AAC Training Final Part - How Not to Ride Your First AAC 200

I began this series with the throwaway line that in pre-world wide web nirvana, a blog used to be "some unspeakable mess you carefully avoided on the footpath".

Rereading the nonsense that I've since contributed to this little cul-de-sac of cyberspace, I'm not sure that the original definition doesn't still stand.

Certainly anyone hoping to glean worthwhile training tips for their 2007 Alpine Classic tilt would have been sadly disappointed by their visit to this page. But it's never too late to get things back on course, and here's a red hot training tip from someone who knows all too well:

If you haven't started training yet - don't bother, it's too late!

So because it's too late for any further training advice, I thought I'd bring this series to a mercifully quick end with some on-the-day do's and don'ts, particularly slanted at those of you about to embark on the big adventure of their first ever AAC 200km. A lot - in fact all - of these pearls of wisdom are gleaned from the harsh personal experience of my own initiation into this fold more than a decade ago, or at least the little I can remember of it:

• Don't drive up the Hume late the night before with a grizzling baby in the back seat in the middle of humungous thundery downpour with nearly-bald front tyres on the car. You'll have enough near-death experiences on the ride itself.



• Don't assume that said grizzling baby will sleep peacefully through the night (or in fact sleep at all)



• Don't put your bidons containing specially prepared isotonic carbohydrate replacement sport drink in the fridge the night before assuming you'll remember to retrieve them in the morning (especially after a sleepless night)



• Do remember to retrieve the bidons in the morning



• When you get to the base of Tawonga Gap and realise you have no bidons on your bike, don't ride on for another 2km wondering whether or not to go back for them



• If you do go back for them, adding a mere 25km to your ride, don't then try to catch the 6:20 bunch you started with before the top of Tawonga Gap



• If you do try to catch the 6:20 bunch, don't expect to be successful, and do expect to do yourself some serious damage in the process



• Don't assume that it never rains during the Alpine Classic



• When it starts pouring with rain halfway up the Falls Creek climb, don't ride on getting soaked to the skin because you can't be bothered stopping to put on your spray jacket (assuming you were smart enough to pack such an unlikely item in the first place)



• If you do ride on getting soaked, don't expect to arrive at Falls Creek without the beginnings of a case of hypothermia



• Especially after all of the above, do expect to arrive at Falls Creek feeling like death and wondering how on earth you are possibly going to make it back to Bright (to then pull out of the ride of course).



• Don't assume that wild vibrations in your bike as you start descending from Falls Creek are due to a wheel about to come off your bike (although it might be a reasonable idea to stop and rule this possibility out). They are more likely related to uncontrollable shivering caused by that oncoming case of hypothermia.



• Don't necessarily assume that the miraculous fact that you manage to stay upright on the descent and more miraculously get back over Tawonga Gap means that your body has suddenly come good, and rescind your previous resolution to pull out at Bright. It's probably just adrenalin-related delirium.



• If you are sufficiently delirious / stupid after all the above to decide to push on to Buffalo, don't spend an hour sitting at the Bright control before continuing.



• If you do spend an hour sitting at the Bright control, don't expect to feel any better for it. Your body will just thankfully assume that the pain is over and go into shutdown mode.



• Don't be surprised that it is possible to climb Buffalo at less than 9km/hr



• Don't assume that the weather cannot get any worse than the heavy rain and fog you experienced as you grovel up Buffalo at 9 km/hr



• Don't start the descent from Buffalo in cold driving rain, gusty wind and bursts of hail as a cold change comes through



• If you do start the descent from Buffalo in those conditions, don't bother trying the Tour de France trick of shoving a newspaper up your jersey. The newspaper just gets very soggy and cold (and they only do it in the Tour de France for the television cameras anyway.)



• Do stop on the descent from Buffalo when your hands are so frozen that you can no longer tell whether they're on the brake levers or not



• On second thoughts, do stop on the descent from Buffalo before your hands are so frozen ..



• If after all the above you somehow make it back to Bright before the organisers have packed up and gone home, don't assume that no future edition of the Alpine Classic you are crazy enough to enter could seem so hard as this first one. The fact is they nearly all do, just in different ways.

Anyway, whether 2007 is your first, tenth, or two hundredth time at the Classic, I'm sure you'll have a memorable day. Good luck and I'll catch you on the road sometime.