Clarke & Dawe - Alpine Classic 2004

I had grandiose ambitions of riding the 2004 Alpine Classic in a time somewhere between 81/2 and 9 hours elapsed. History records that I didn't quite meet that target, although mysteriously I can remember very little about the day itself. However on returning to Melbourne and unpacking my reeking bag of fermented sweaty cycling gear, I came across the transcript of a John Clarke / Brian Dawe interview that shows how I could have redefined "failure" as total success:








BD: So tell me how you enjoyed this year's Alpine Classic, John

JC: Great descents, Brian, always love those descents on the Alpine. I did better than ever on the descents this year. Took some of those corners just beautifully ...

BD: But it's not really about the descents is it. Isn't the whole point of the thing to do well on the climbs?

JC: Well that just shows you've got the wrong end of the stick as usual Brian. You should get out of your ivory tower and talk to some real cyclists. That climbing stuff is just a distraction. The sooner they organise lifts like the skiers have, the better. That's the way to really popularise the ride I reckon, especially in this hot weather. Difficult to descend well with all that sweat running into your eyes ...

BD: All the same, tell us how you went on the climbs

JC: Can't say I noticed mate, I was just thinking about the next descent. They're all so different you see: a bomb run down the back of Tawonga, sweeping curves on Falls, fast and twisty over Tawonga again, a bit of everything on Buffalo. Too much to think about there to worry about the bloody climbs

BD: But I did hear that you were putting in some training on climbs this year, Arthur's seat repeats, Donna Buang, ...

JC: Rumour and innuendo; never train for the climbs, doesn't help your descending one bit mate - a bloke might lose weight and slow down on the descents

BD: And you were publicly quoted as stating that you were going for sub-9 hours this year ...

JC: ... which I achieved very comfortably thank you very much ...

BD: ... but I have the certificate here in front of me saying 9 hours 52 minutes!

JC: ... another Audax stuff-up. Look here at this monitor: "Riding Time 8:53". Is that under 9 hours or is it under 9 hours? Almost as bad as them getting lost on Buffalo and taking the wrong road for the Chalet. Did you know the idiots confused Dingo Dell and the Chalet!! Anyone could have told 'em what a chalet looks like and it's not some bloody carpark out the back of nowhere near a forlorn looking ski lift. Added on at least 15 minutes! They couldn't organise themselves out of a paper bag. Fortunately as you see I still broke 9 hours.

BD: But that's riding time. Alpine Classic times are always elapsed times ...

JC: Yes, elapsed riding time, 8 hours 53. Are you deaf or just stupid?

BD: No, elapsed time is the total time from start to finish and it says here that you started at 6:20am and finished at 4:12pm which is 9 hours 52 minutes

JC: Geez you're a bit obsessed by this time business aren't you? Do you work in the public service or something? The idea's to have fun mate, especially on the descents. Did I tell you about those descents? They're ...

BD: I'm sorry John we'll have to leave it there